I just threw up on my dentist
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
operation have a gay friend backfired
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
