He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
