I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize