the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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