you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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