I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
