his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
