I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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