Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
