What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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