Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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