Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
