I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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