everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
