Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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