The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
