I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize