I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
