Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
