what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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