Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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