My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you win again, gameday.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
