I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
