do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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