I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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