I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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