It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize