I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
