I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
