i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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