dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
