I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
