I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize