he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
