After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
