I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
