WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
