were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
