I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
