Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
