Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
