I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
