The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
