I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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