U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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