State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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