I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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