the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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