i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
pray to the hookup gods
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
