Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
