In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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