My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
