I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I had to cum in my sink.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
