i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
