I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
