The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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