Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
