There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
