Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
