u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
