"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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