im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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