You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
