theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
