A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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