: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
