Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize