Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
