the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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