So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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