I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Watching her eat just hurts me
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
